


Junjou Badfictica

by Spockaholic



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Deliberate Badfic, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2018-01-18 17:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1437412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spockaholic/pseuds/Spockaholic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misaki tries his hand at writing "Junai Romantica" fanfiction.  The results are pretty much what you'd expect.  A fanfic within a fanfic...mostly crack, but there's a plot if you squint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Junjou Badfictica

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my very first Junjou Romantica fanfic! I mostly wrote this story to have some fun with the characters and to shake myself out of a huge writing slump. As a hard-core perfectionist, I sometimes find that deliberately writing badfic can be a fun and freeing way of re-acquainting myself with my muse. A word of caution before proceeding: I have intentionally laced parts of this story with all sorts of spelling/grammar errors, but I did it for a reason. There's a method to my madness, trust me. Happy reading!

Misaki let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in and grasped the doorknob of the door to his luxury apartment. His knuckles still stung from the staggering punch he had delivered to a convenience store robber earlier, but it was a welcome pain. As long as he lived, he would never forget the astonished look on the robber's face as he crashed to the ground, bested by Misaki's right hook to the jaw. He would also never forget the sparkling gratitude shining in the cashier's magenta orbs as she thanked him for his heroism. Although part of him regretted not accepting her generous offer of all the money from her till as a reward, deep down he knew that all he needed was the satisfaction of having been in the right place at the right time.

Of course, now that meant that he was late coming home. Akihiko was not going to be happy. Akihiko wouldn't care that he had single-handedly foiled a convenience store robbery and had to stay behind to comfort the frightened women and speak to the reporters. All Akihiko would care about was that Misaki had not come home in time to slave over a hot stove for him. Akihiko was a childish brat and seemed to think that everyone on the planet existed to do his bidding. And when they didn't, Akihiko liked to pin them against walls and use his monstrously large hands to do unmentionable things to their bodies. Since Misaki was the only person in the universe brave enough to stand up to Akihiko, that meant that he was the only one who received that kind of treatment. 

Which was exactly why Misaki had been working out so much lately and had gained ten kilograms of muscle. Akihiko was going to be in for a BIG surprise the next time he tried to push Misaki around! 

Encouraged by that thought, Misaki opened the door and stepped inside.

To his surprise, he was greeted with the mouthwatering aroma of beef stew.

"Welcome home," he heard someone say.

He looked in the direction of the voice (the kitchen) and was astonished to see that hovering over the soup pot on the stove was a tall man with silver hair, lavender orbs and the weirdest-looking chin he had ever seen in his life.

It was..........Akihiko!

"What do you think you're doing?" Misaki sputtered.

"Cooking you a delicious meal...what does it look like?" Akihiko said calmly.

Misaki's eyes bulged in surprise. This couldn't be real. It had to be some kind of trick. There was no way that something that smelled so good could be made from Akihiko's hands. That bastard was probably using some kind of beef stew-scented candle to cover up the real stench of the food, which probably smelled like it belonged in a toilet more than it did in a pot. Suspiciously, he made his way into the kitchen, dipped his finger into the pot of bubbling liquid and carefully licked his finger.

It tasted amazing.

"How in the world did you become such a great cock?" Misaki asked in wonderment.

"I've been taking private lessons during the day," Akihiko answered.

"Why?" Misaki asked.

Akihiko sighed.

"I've been realizing lately how unfair it is that you've been doing all the housework by yourself, even though I'm the one who stays at home all day and misses important deadlines while you work at a demanding job," Akihiko said. "I just thought it would be nice to start treating you like an equal. My aristocratic upbringing is no excuse for being a spoiled and lazy bum."

Misaki ran a hand through his chocolate brown hair and smiled happily. Maybe miracles did exist after all!

"By the way, some flowers arrived for you while you were at work," Akihiko told him.

Misaki looked over to the kitchen table and saw some flowers.

"Their from my brother," Akihiko explained. "He wanted to congratulate you on your promotion at wok. I've already taken the liberty of phoning him to thank him for the kind gesture, but I'm sure he would appreciate hearing from you as well."

Misaki wisely decided not to voice his surprise at how Akihiko was acting like a rational human being for once.

"Okay," he said instead.

Although he was tired from his busy day, Misaki decided to help Akihiko finish making supper because he had a good and generous heart. Akihiko continued stirring the beef stew, and Misaki tossed his salad.

After that, they sat down at the table and started eating their supper. Misaki told Akihiko all about how he'd stopped that convenience store robbery and Akihiko listened supportively. After that, they started talking about the promotion Misaki had received at his job. The one that he had gotten the flowers for. It turns out that the editor-in-chief of the shonen manga department had transferred to a different publishing company and it had been unanimously voted that Misaki should take his position. Misaki was now the youngest editor-in-chief in the history of that publishing company! Hooray!

"But there is one thing I wanted to mention," Misaki said nervously. "Since I'm going to be the head honcho in the manga department, that means that I will have to work a lot more closely alongside... _him_."

Akihiko narrowed his lavender orbs into tiny slits.

"You mean...that mangaka?" the silver haired man growled.

"That's the one," agreed the handsome and manly brunet.

"That mangaka" was Akihiko's code name for the creator of Misaki's favorite manga series. He was an insanely talented and good-looking guy that Misaki looked up to. For a tiny while, "that mangaka" had mistakenly believed that he was in love with Misaki, which had made Akihiko crazily jealous (even more so than usual!). But thankfully, he finally came to his senses and realized that he only appreciated Misaki as his biggest fan. Now they have a normal, healthy, platonic friendship and a good working relationship.

"I don't know if I like the idea of you working so closely with that mangaka..." Akihiko began. He stopped when he saw Misaki's rugged face tighten into a steely look of determination and decided to change his tune. "...but I know that I have no right to treat you as if you are my possession. You are an intelligent man with impeccable judgment and I trust you explicitly."

"I'm glad to see you've finally come to your senses," Misaki said wisely.

"So am I," Akihiko said.

When they finished eating their supper, they cleared the dishes away from the table and Misaki filled up the sink to do the dishes in.

**(Author's Note: WARNING! The next part contains some graphic, adult content that may disturb some readers. Please read at your own risk!)**

Misaki was just about to start scrubbing the soup pot when suddenly Akihiko came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waste!!!

**(Author's Note: Ugh! What a pervert!)**

"what do you think you're doing?" Misaki asked calmly.

"I'm filling up on Misaki," Akihiko said pervertedly.

**(Author's Note: Can you believe this guy actually says stuff like that?!)**

Misaki shook his head empathically, his glossy, chocolate locks swishing back and forth from side to side.

"I would prefer it if you didn't right now," said twenty-four year-old man maturely.

Akihiko let go of him.

"I'm sorry for invading your personal space while you are trying to do the dishes," he apologized.

Misaki turned around and blinked at him in surprise.

"Are you wondering why I let go of you so quickly?" Akihiko asked.

Indeed he was! Usually, Akihiko preferred to glomp onto him like a giant squid attacking a pirate shit. That guy never takes no for an answer! Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?! It pisses me off.

Akihiko stood there and looked at him with his eyes.

"It's because I've been reading some self-help books lately and I've learned that I have a problem with respecting you're personal boundaries," Akihiko said solemnly. "I should have known better than to completely disregard your feelings all the time. No means no. I promise that from now on, whenever I do something that makes you uncomfortable, I'll stop. Actually, I'll do something even better. From now on, I will never do an other weird or gross thing to you ever again. And I won't say anything pervy to you, either."

**(Author's note: the M-rated stuff is finished. You can open your eyes now)**

A sparkling, remorseful tear trickled down Akihiko's cheek.

"I know I don't deserve it, but I sincerely hope you can forgive me for always being such a pushy asshole," he sobbed.

For the longest time, Misaki stood there, watching as Akihiko curled up into a ball and began rocking back and forth on the ground like a broken man. When he finally found the words to speak, he was surprised by how strong and confident he sounded.

"I forgive you," he said, his rich baritone resounding throughout the apartment. "But you should probably stop crying. The way you cry is appalling."

Akihiko stood up and wiped the tears and snot off his face.

"Thank you, Misaki-sama," he said gratefully. "I'm sorry I'm such an emotional wreck. I think it's just the cigarette withdrawal getting to me."

He pushed up his sleeve to reveal a nicotine patch sitting on his scrawny bicep. Akihiko had finally quit smoking! Yet another miracle!

"Don't worry Akihiko-chan, it'll get easier," Misaki said, soothing him.

Akihiko looked at him and flashed one of those dazzling grins that did weird things to Misaki's heart. Even though Usagi has about a million character defects and a million more ways of getting on my nerves, I can never resist his smile.

"Thank you, Misaki-sama," Akihiko said simply. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to retreat to my study to work on my latest manuscript. I have an impending deadline, and I'd like to make sure that I give myself plenty of time to finish it so I don't cause any stress for my editor."

Turning smartly on his heels, the silver haired man spun around and started walking toward the stairway that led to his study.

Before Misaki realized what he was doing, he followed after him.

"Wait a second!" he said.

Akihiko turned around.

"What is it?"

**(Author's Note: WARNING! This next part contains some heavily explicit content. Seriously guys, it's HARD-CORE. if your not 18 years of age or older, DO NOT keep reading!)**

Misaki bent down and kissed Akihiko on the cheek.

**(Author's Note: Okay, the smutty part is finished. Underaged readers can start reading again.)**

"I love you, Usagi-san," Misaki said and meant it.

"I love you too."

For a moment, they stood their, green orbs interlocking with purple orbs. Neither man spoke or made a move toward the other, nor they did they feel the need to. It was one of those moments where the feelings of love were so strong, it felt as if it would be pointless to try and communicate them through words or actions. Misaki semes to have a lot of those feelings a lot of the time. It's annoying and it makes him feel like an idiot. I can only hope that when those feelings happen, Usagi-san will always be able to see past my words and actions (or lack of them) and know what's really going on in my heart.

Finally, the moment passed and both men went their separate ways. As Misaki went into the room that used to contain a large mountain of teddy bears but had recently been converted to a private gym, he reflected upon the strange events of the day as he easily bench pressed three times his body weight. From being recognized for his achievemtnst at work to being strong enough to take down a would-be robber to coming home to a landlord who had finally developed an acceptable, normal personality, he was pretty sure that this had been the best day of his life. A lot of miracles had happened that day. But maybe...probably...definitely the best miracle of all was getting to share it all with Usagi-san. Because no matter how many things happen in a day, good or bad, and no matter if Usagi-san is being a Perfect Guy or his normal asshole self, every day with Usagi-san is a bit of a miracle.

 

 

THE END

 

 

 

 

Takahashi Misaki picked up the can of beer beside his laptop and raised it in a silent toast to the literary masterpiece he had just unleashed upon an unsuspecting Internet. A lopsided grin spread across his face as his bleary eyes surveyed the text on his laptop screen:

_Misaki's Miraculous Day: a Junai Romantica Fanfiction_

_Author: HiddenGenius24_

_Summary: Misaki has a miraculous day. I suck at summeries. The story is actually really good plz read_

Misaki's heart swelled. Truly, those Akikawa Yayoi fangirls on FunFiction.Org were about to learn what it was like to read a decent Boys Love story for a change--one that relied less on cheap sex and more on excellent characterization. Their fujoshi worlds were going to be thoroughly _rocked._

"Eat your heart out, Ushagi-Shan!" he crowed.

A gurgled laugh slipped from his mouth as he pictured the face Usagi would make when he found out how easily he'd been supplanted by the very person he had insisted on writing about in unspeakable ways all those years. That bastard only had himself to blame. If he hadn't written those perverted novels in the first place, Misaki would never have been morbidly compelled to type "Junai Romantica" into an Internet search engine in a moment of study procrastination a few hours earlier. Nor would he have stumbled across a website called FunFiction.Org and discovered a cesspool of _Junai Romantica_ fanfiction written by a species of perverts so morally bankrupt they made Usagi look like a monk by comparison. The royalties Misaki would make when he became a big-shot author wouldn't even begin to cover the cost of the therapy he would need for the rest of his life...one year of counseling for every story summary that had mentioned him being kidnapped or raped or both.

He had only been able to bring himself to read the first three stories on the page feed, but it was more than enough. The images they had grafted to Misaki's brain were so graphic, so nightmare-inducing, so... _wrong_ that Misaki had been left with no choice but to kill them with booze.

One can of beer had led to another, and the next thing Misaki knew, he was hunched over his laptop in a creative frenzy, his fingers flying over the keys as effortlessly as a concert pianist practicing basic scales.

So Usagi and his fangirls thought it was okay to use him as the subject of their most depraved fantasies? It was only fitting that he should return the favor! He would show those hacks a thing or two about writing quality literature. And if he just happened to achieve fame and success in the process, all the better. His only regret would be that he hadn't thought of it sooner. Thank God for the potential-unlocking power of alcohol.

Misaki chugged the last of his beer and stacked the can on top of the pyramid of empties he'd been constructing on the coffee table. His stomach roiled and he grimaced to himself. Maybe it was time to call it quits. Usagi was scheduled to return from his research trip the next day, and the last thing Misaki would need when the pent-up author had his wicked way with him was a throbbing head to go with his throbbing ass.

He rose to his feet, shambled over to the couch and flopped down on his stomach.

As he lay there in the stillness of the apartment, drifting in and out of slumber, Misaki couldn't help but wonder how his life would change now that he had discovered his true calling. Would he have to quit his job to write-full time? How much time would he have to spend traveling on book tours? Should he follow Usagi's example and write under a pen name? Would Usagi view him as a professional rival, or would he ask Misaki to collaborate with him on a writing project?

Come to think of it, how was Usagi going to feel when he read Misaki's magnum opus? He supposed that question would be a hell of a lot easier to answer if he could remember what he'd even written. For some reason, the details were becoming increasingly fuzzy, especially his recollection of the last couple of paragraphs, which had pretty much written themselves. Not that it mattered. Whatever it was, it probably wasn't _too_ embarrassing, right?

...right?

Before Misaki could come up with a definitive answer, his eyelids dropped one final time, plunging his consciousness into sweet, sweet oblivion.

 


	2. Epilogue

 

Reviews for **Misaki's Miraculous Day**

 

 

**PurplePanda:** Haha this is perfect! Write more!

**IamtheCabbage:** You stole five precious minutes from my life and I want them back. Take responsibility for your actions and stop writing crappy stories for the Internet. If not, the least you could do is get the names of the characters right next time. Who the hell is "Usagi-san?!"

**Vadergirl666:** I find your lack of smut disturbing.

**Bonzai Neko-chan:** No offense, but you should srsly think about getting yourself a beta reader. You're spelling and grammer are rediculous.

**Guest:** Um, no. This story sucks. Yaoi sucks. YOU suck. Go die a horrible death.

**Tsunami:** Cool.

**Master of Bears 69:** I normally don't bother to read or comment on fanfiction, but after accidentally coming across this story, I just _had_ to create this account to leave you a review. As someone who has closely followed Akikawa Yayoi's writing career over the years and who owns several copies of each of her novels, I was horrified by the level of character assassination you have committed in this story. I found your depiction of Misaki's character to be particularly inaccurate.

While you seem to enjoy painting Misaki as a brilliant and flawless do-gooder, a closer look at the _Junai Romantica_ novels will show you that this is far from true. For instance, rather than thwarting a convenience store robbery, the Misaki in canon is much more prone to doing careless things, such drinking himself into a stupor and passing out on the couch. This same Misaki is also likely to forget to turn off his laptop before passing out, thus making the highly questionable contents on the screen visible to anyone returning home early from a research trip. These are just hypothetical examples, of course, but I'm sure you get the point.

Not only was I disturbed by the weak characterization in this story, I was also put off by your butchery of language. Your writing gives the impression that you are more at home with reading third-rate cooking manga than reading quality literature. If you truly wish to improve your writing skills, I would suggest that you spend time reading some of the "greats." My personal recommendation is that you start by reading and absorbing the works of the award-winning Usami Akihiko. Yes, I strongly suggest that you let yourself be completely _filled_ with Usami-sensei...I'm sure you will find him to be immensely stimulating.

I realize that this review might be considered harsh, so allow me to end on a positive note. While the vast majority of this story made me want to tear my eyes out, I must admit that I was moved beyond words by Misaki's expression of love for Akihiko. That alone made the story worth the price of admission and I'm sure that I will read and re-read that part many times in the future when I need my spirits lifted. Thank you.

P.S. I also enjoyed the scene where Misaki helped Akihiko with supper...Misaki should toss the salad for Akihiko more often in canon!

**LordSesshomaru'sJockstrap:** LOL! Dafuq did I just read?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks goes to my dear sister Leahelisabeth, whose excellent Supernatural fanfic "Dangerous Game" inspired me to try my own hand at writing a badfic within a fanfic


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